Chance.

Dated back in 29th May 2009,

“Sometimes you feel good. Sometimes you feel bad. It’s just simple as that to describe the norm of this life.

I feel that I'm rich because there's no use to spend more than I should. I feel that I'm poor because I think I'm lack of advice.

I'm such a talisman for my team because there's no one-man glory. Yet, a talisman needs all the teammate's courage to be in a match-winning side.

I'm an educated man because I read book just enough. Somehow I feel I'm dumb as a man can be knowing myself lack of actions compared to the knowledge gathered within.

I made right decisions to set the path but I have myself to blame not to look in front while walking straight to the path I chose.

I have enough faces to look at as they are such important persons to me, but I haven’t got enough love for them as I let love fade away for the wrong sides.

I always aim for the sky because it makes me feel high in spirit. I always seek for the stars but never get myself shine as a gem of a man I should be.

Somehow I tell myself there's nothing wrong being imperfect. There's way above right being ordinary.

But I always tell myself you are not that perfect. There's nothing wrong being ordinary unless you do hard-fought battle to keep yourself survive. I've kept myself awake with these words and I will end up contented closing these eyes telling myself "you are everything you are. You are someone to the world regardless the flaw you have. Just put some more effort to where you've left yourself behind."

Now it’s good to have a good rest. It’s good to give myself a chance for tomorrow."


(Teks diambil daripada ruangan nota Facebook. Pada waktu tersebut penulisan pada Facebook adalah nukilan secara spontan, cubaan menghunus kata pada medium berbeza).

Guidance.

The Negligent always told a tale of how he survived the catastrophe of downward spiral that had happened to him. Unfortunately, he told it to himself. It was the kind of whisper that lingered in his head over and over again. He did not know how to handle it but without whichever sincerity to himself he behaved well in front of his acquaintances. However, he did not know how to express and lately he misbehaved. He kept thinking the consequences but he could not find the solution amid the loud noise within. The laxity has caused concern to himself. Yet he still could not fix them.

The Negligent knew himself too well. He recognized the potential that he possessed but deep inside his fragile heart he was just vulnerable as anyone could be. He was far from a finished article. He was completely aware that he has been given the responsibility to lead the line, at least himself, for every burden that he held.

The Negligent could never blame anyone for his quest to gain supreme failure.

For whatever method he used he seemed to forget that he was just an imperfect human being, in learning the triviality of being rebellious has cost himself a fortune.

Yes, being rebellious and egoistic had cost The Negligent a fortune and he forgot about that really, and the word guidance.


--Sedang mencari kerja sambilan pada waktu cuti.

Sekadar Celoteh Ringkas

It’s been a while since I fought myself hard to avoid disillusionment. One concerns desires that are mainly acquired through learning, such as the need to achieve, to attain prestige or even to amass possessions. It’s a biological hunger and thirst to succeed guided by the aggression. However, there are times that these phrases do not stay in line with our modest passion. There are obstacles to go through and we could end up advice ourselves again how to overcome them.

Once again I want to highlight one of my ancient posts. Aha. Did I just mention ancient? Well, who could believe I could write this. Not even myself, in my most inspirational dreams. Honestly when you are into engineering you are going to partially lose your writing skill.

Dated back in 10th September 2008,


“Daripada nota-nota Power Electric yang sibuk ku tenung dari tadi memang tak dapat aku sangkal esok merupakan salah satu bahagian episod kelulusan subjek yang tidak pernah ku telaah secara telus.

Terbukti dari kotak ruang pembelajaran yang suci lg kondusif ini(secara kontranya)memang selesai separuh hari aku melengkapi diri dengan segala peluru jawapan untuk dilepaskan esok hari.

Tapi ironinya..(mengapa segala-galanya mesti melibatkan ironi?Tetapi mengapa segala perbuatan menjadikan ironi sebagai penyudahnya)..

Oh2, lekas saja dengan ironi kerana banyak lagi post menanti untuk ditatap mereka di ruang buletin yang semakin universal dengan post2 yang lebih kepada "saya tidak tahu hendak buat apa.Saya rasa hendak post buletin untuk hilangkan kebosanan".
Sedikit sebanyak seperti yang sedang anda santai pada post ini.

Lupakan saja ironi.

Baik tidur saja.biar hari-hari esok datang tanpa perlu berfikir. Tanpa ironi. Tanpa setiap perbuatan perlu difikir kesan dan implikasi.
Hati terang atau gelap seperti tidak aku kisah lagi.Fikirlah saja hari esok untuk diri sendiri. Memang gaya kehidupan masa kini. Sampai masa jatuh tersungkur perlu diri bangun sendiri.”

Pessimistic?

Frankly, I feel so relieved to read this post back. Actually, it reminds me not to fall back. It was not a bed of roses to contain the expression and emotion of not fulfilling others’ expectation. I think most of us are having the common dilemma but that is the challenge we have to face optimistically. This post really strikes me a chord the importance of trying hard and to exert the effort to solve the conundrum of life, without being pessimistic but still in pace with where we should head to according to the path chosen.

Ironically, this is no illusion. Think hard. There is no obstruction to it.

Mindless means soulless.


(Teks dari Myspace di atas masih lagi dikekalkan keasliannya untuk rujukan tentang sebarang perubahan pada diri daripada aspek penulisan)

Wreck.

After such a long time I haven’t logged on to Myspace (OK.Talking about Myspace I know you’re going to say it’s a lame social networking website where the users are just gonna stop connecting only at “hello” and “hye” but hey, teenagers have their own self-conflict and soul searching period. By having Myspace account, it contributes much to that aspect, one of them. It’s hard to find true friends on the net but certainly there are genuine ones. In fact in my own experience I have met some!) I have just realized that I’ve blogged since I was in matriculation.

That was the time I felt like the world was against me in any bend. Pessimistic and such an ignorant individual. Below are one of the posts that I wrote. It’s not wonderful but somehow I am pleased to have the courage to write this on my own when I was not feeling well that time!

Dated back in 19 January 2007,

“Life's so often cruel. When you feel that nothing helps you escape this. Ignored. Bored. Blend with the sense of helplessness coming in every way. Coldplay's songs won’t help me either. Too many times I listened to them just to soothe the whirlwind within. Leg aching like there's no day left on the field, the place for the victorious me. Sitting in front of the pond of KLCC. Looking life what it will be. So many happy faces left me wondering will the day they are having now is the day for me to grasp. Chapters left for me to read. What’s written in the book can never be erased, and somehow the book itself is like a teacher that forces me to read until the end. It guarantees me nothing and ended me saying, life's just so cruel.”

I wonder what kind of emotional wreck I was to write this. The kind of “My life’s a wreck, and you knew it straight from this face,” undertone lingering in the head, maybe. Or “I am really emotionally upset, a wreck.”

Farewell to those days.

Smile and instead of crap monologues I’ll just use ‘wreck’ to make myself feel better. For instance, win some, lose some and wreck some. Hah. Now it feels better.

Lastly, sitting in front of the pond of KLCC? Aha. Seriously, no comment. You have this kind of moment, don’t you?


(Teks dari Myspace di atas telah dikekalkan keasliannya untuk rujukan tentang sebarang perubahan pada diri daripada aspek penulisan.)

Hail The Spirit.

You are better than this. That’s what you have to keep telling yourself. It’s a kind of satisfaction to see people win their own battle regardless what competition they are in, mentally and physically. The effort that they put into their clash to claim triumph. The passion, the determination, the bravery, the precision to surpass any impossibility. The exertion to execute opponent from any chance of winning is just a self-gifted intuition that sometimes you can develop it within yourself. I believe in anyone will be given a fair chance to shine. Being in the spotlight or being put in the limelight in spite of its minuses. When falling down becomes your second nature and the composure whispers silently in just make you stronger. That’s how a winner should be .Proven, for centuries.

For all of the above, that’s how much I hate losing last night’s crunching futsal match yesterday. It’s not a tournament,really, but still it has its own importance, as much as I love to see my teammates cheer for a victory.

You deserve to lose when the flair’s done .Jeered? Heh .Let foot do the talking next time. We’ll definitely see you again, mates.

(Saya tidak dapat tidur kerana badan sengal-sengal.As for now, pain is a whole new fine.)