Enslaved Chaos.

"We've got much more control than money. You can't get everything. We live in a society where money is what people want, so they can't get the control. We chose. Control is freedom. People say we're control freaks, but control is controlling your destiny without controlling other people. We're not trying to manipulate other people, just controlling what we do ourselves. Controlling what we do is being free. People should stop thinking that an artist that controls what he does is a bad thing. A lot of artists today are just victims, not having control, and they're not free. And that's pathetic. If you start being dependent on money, then money has to reach a point to fit your expenses." - Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, Daft Punk.

I couldn't agree more, wholeheartedly concur.

We let ourselves to be the absolute victims and be controlled in exchange to the money and fame, where we are totally weak to resist, letting souls annihilation in progress.

Let us know now, that the taste of fame is a case of temporary sweetness. Ironically, said by the humble people who have got all of the money and fame where in a view they have seen what's the rave about having lots of fans and fortune (astonishingly with forever under their robotic mask).


p.s : Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character. OK, this's not mine. Taken from a philosopher who thinks charisma's better than relying on pretty face for praise. We should start to worry on sinking in a world that settles with who audaciously flashes more flesh flawlessly wins. False courage, isn't it?

p.p.s : Baru pulang daripada Singapura dan merasakan Singapura adalah sebuah negara yang stress. OK, mempunyai habit off topic lagi.

Arms and the Man.

“War, the dream battlefield of the warriors and patriots, but in the end the bloodshed promises nothing..just like the love.”

It needs no evidence that even the greatest would fall.

Actually the phrase came from a small theatre show that I went to this evening. The title of the play was Arms and the Man. Background of the play was set back during the 1885 Serbo-Bulgarian War. The play based on a true story and originally written by a socialist and a literature Nobel Prize winner, George Bernard Shaw whom has produced 63 dramas and plays. It is a classical theatre and delivered in the medium of Bahasa Melayu by ASWARA (Akademi Seni Budaya dan Warisan Kebangsaan) students. Sitting almost on front row of the experimental theatre hall of ASWARA, one important thing that I've realised was classical theatre has little actions and most of the play relied on the characters’ dialogues and expressions. For a scene it took 10-15 minutes for only two of the actors/actresses pairing up to perform their lengthy dialogues. I was mesmerized by how they could remember those lines brilliantly in the same time giving the expressions and throw their voices to the crowd loudly. Lovely and charismatic I shall say. It was a delightful performance, sheer class from the two hour romantic-comedy classical theatre that the ticket was only worth RM5.

In which far more better than the rubbish on our TV nowadays.

These actor/actresses should be unearthed and prove their talent somewhere. I thought we have lost the ability to produce top quality performers but I am completely wrong now.

Furthermore, I always thought that a drama or a movie should rely heavily on the scripts and dialogues rather than the actions.

A little expression shows a thousand meaning and an action sometimes proves nothing, just like in the real life situations. Deeds done without sincerity, left without the earnest emotion. Meaningless hypocritical aggression is far more useless than a frank and genuine smile.


I've googled "Arms and the Man" and this picture caught the attention of mine, classic and these individuals must be the performers of the past play.

Looks like the scene has a new fan now!

p.s : Click here for full synopsis of Arms and the Man.

p.p.s : Had so much new experience during the holidays but sadly I don't really have a proper camera.

p.p.p.s : It seems like everybody's having a black leather jacket. OK,this's really off topic too and a possibility of post script annoyance.

Batman : Gotham Knight.

I've been spending my holiday on movies and this is one of my favourite cartoons now, if you generally characterize it as a cartoon but a proper movie would be my preference, an anime film, or should I say merely injustice to call it a cartoon. You can witness how Batman gone from a novice into the much more buff Dark Knight transition. You'll begin to understand how a hero really can endure such cut and bruises without aggrievance. I think I'm too obsessed with the film but I'm in awe much not because of the actions or the Batmobile's thrust but the scripts and tenacity of the background music enthusiasts in making the movie epic. One of the dialogues in Batman : Gotham Knight ;

Cultist: Hey, Bat, when you're flying, what the city look like from up on high?
Batman: It looks dirty.

Cultist is one of the beggars who lives down in the city drainage system. As for him now, that's where the safest place he can be, below the city soil, free from the evil deeds and immorality.

Previously, actually I think I have over analysed Batman : Dark Knight (much because of The Joker's dialogues and its plots) and this anime that comes from the hands of Japanese top anime talents (I've heard the initial ideas of creating the hero too came from Japan comics!) is just too excellent and gives you the storyline of the Gotham City hero's origin. Eventhough it is just an anime it is still magnificent and gives you the meaning of eye orgasm (how wrong is this term?) through its six interlocking films in a single watch especially with the drawings and visualisation of the Gotham City itself. It is well conceived by the Japanese visionaries. It's pure class and a must watch for genuine Mr. Wayne's fans.

(Mind you it's not the same class as Avatar but at least the plot's much better than the blue monsters'. I wonder why Avatar's the highest grossing film of all time.OK, let's not overhype this but it's worth to watch!)



Six breathtaking interlocking films inside.



One of Hans Zimmer's brilliant pieces.

p.s : The Dark Knight pawns Spiderman in any day. I'm sure Spiderman is hanging somewhere around envyingly while waiting for The Dark Knight sequel to hit the cinemas in the future.

p.s.s : Above all, or am I truly just the only one who's late on this?

Random Song 2.

"Talk don't change a thing
Oh, it's fadin' for ya
Words don't sink, they swims
Oh, it's fadin' for ya."

Well,when most of us knew it, at first.

p.s : Since holiday mood's here I am just going to leave some wise words from the net - To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery but a ritual of reassurance (watching football matches at mamak stall too is a kind of weekend ritual too). Happy holiday,people!

Everywhere mind.

What image really can describe the current state of mind?


It feels like the mind's everywhere but in the end it ends up nowhere. I guess thinking too much about doing something makes the force immovable, which we lastly ended up doing even nothing at all, motionless, trapped in our own stagnant space of mind.

p.s : "The man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled.”

Random Song 1.

p.s : It doesn’t work when one is happy and the other is miserable. It’s about both people being equally miserable whilst getting through the obstacles together.

Legacy.

There’s a time when the world is too heavy for us to carry on our own it’s worth then to write something relieving for ourselves. It’s not a matter of solving the labyrinth of our life's journey to achieve perfection but how you really need to release all of the loads, temporarily.

I have realized this is a kind of world that people are trying hard to leave their own legacy but hey, for only once, close your lovely eyes and leave all of the anxieties and distressful days behind.

As you know, journey to the perfection is not really for human to achieve for. It should be a continuous journey of finding the bliss rather than the perfection itself, regardless the length of the run.

“Jikalau lelah rehatkanlah seketika ikhtiar mu,
Jikalau hampa tuturkanlah bicara liku mu,
Jikalau hingar mengganggu tidur bangunlah sejenak hilangkan sayu,
Jikalau gusar menyelubungi serta menyelimuti diri,
apa yang kau perlu lakukan..
hanyalah hamparkan seluasnya segala beban,
biarkan saja masa sukar itu berlalu.”

Goodnight people! Semoga hari esok lebih baik!

Sunday Morning.

I didn't sleep for the whole night. There's a lot of things lingering in this head that I'd need a little help in digging a nice deep grave to bury half of them. I haven't posted a new entry for quite sometime. It shows how much I'm running out of ideas to write but hey, there's a fact that caught me a little while to give a thought to and it goes like this ;

"Don't tell your problems to people, 20% might concern but 80% are glad you have them".

What are the odds of helping yourself out?We can't give counts on it, can we?

You need real people to assist. Emotional turbulence may occur in every way, in many aspects, caused by the world that you're sucked into, your own world but forever since only human can give concern and be confessed to is the reality. Everybody is someone and as for me now this is the one of the genuine facts that I may well hold on to. I'm totally against the percentage given because there's the word trust, not always to be shown but more on been given gradually for the benefit of avoiding the internal sufferings. Don't be afraid to tell because life changes, real friends don't.

p.s : --Flashing lights to bring you back from who you’re running with, but I know you know now.



p.s.s : Life changes, real friends don't - quoted by Izham Ismail.

The Other Guy.

It’s just another episode of him whereby he’s just one of the other guys who stands and observes most of the time. Who speaks loud by facts but only in his mind, juggling wise and shrewd thoughts by no approval. Who speaks the truth but only for himself to defy. In the real world when he doesn’t talk much but he does want to genuinely force some steps to revolutionize what is around for the better, in his own standpoint. Revolution sounds immense but for a little place in mind of his own definitely there seems nothing to border the generation of the ideas to do roughly some. If it’s worth for himself then it would instead be called a salvation. To speak the truth out loud by not holding it back inside for the better of himself and certainly being one of these “other guys” this is the most prevalent obstacle that he has to surpass and to get through.

Perception is the only personal insight he has. He doesn’t want to stay in the rat race forever. Even if he came out eventually as a winner it will not guarantee him a comfortable place but that’s the least he could do to save himself from the silence that will ceaselessly keep him away from any lift.

Opt for no failure he has to decide. It’s like the gravity. It needs only a little sensible push and that’s all it takes for him to justify the significance of his act, to speak and to ask, unleashing the thoughts without holding them back at a stance. Failure to do so will raise the question of what he’d be missing in a long term and without having the courage to voice out any of his beliefs he’ll just have to stay in the mould being the other guy and subsequently pay the price of being one - orthodoxically rotten and drowned in his own egos.

p.s : About the gravity thing actually the phrase came from a big hit movie and truly it's the push for this whole text. Haa, cuba teka ayat tu datang daripada script movie apa?

p.s.s : Selamat berpuasa kepada semua!

Eric Forman

Which that 70's Show Character are You? -- Eric

My Result: Eric

"You are Eric! So ok you are kinda nerdy with how you love Star Wars so much. But you can also be a major smart ass, and for some reason the chicks dig you. Your constantly at war with your sister and father with constant bashing of each other but never the less you secr...etly love them. You are an all around nice person, and very loveable, you are surrounded by lots of friends who love to hang out in your basement. People just like you. By the way you might want to hide those naughty magazines before your mother or girlfriend find them!"

p.s : Pretty close enough. Digging chicks I'm not sure of that but for the whole description and for the story itself it reminds me of the thought of being a youth is to get wasted, and grounded by parents until you learn responsibility.

p.p.s : Basement I don't have any. Yeah, that's Yoda. I wonder how the description of this quiz will be if this green jedi master turn out to be the quiz master.

His Best Wishes.

He knows it’s just a matter of time. When it’s fated then it is. When once the word forever was a virtue and a promise, yet too heavy for two youthful hearts to hold and to share the same love destiny in reality. They knew each other well and they had their chance to share their affection but it came too early so he had to go, leaving her first with sadness followed by never-ending happiness, once their forever and it’s barely for her now to take it all. He thinks it’s time for both of them to move on or maybe she has moved on courageously since forever left him thinking could the curse still be broken. Or there’s no curse really. Only in their own world of grievance or resistance, if it ever existed.

Finally, it’s her day. It’s her turn to smile. It’s a rare act but worth the bliss. A blessing and a sign of maturity. Her ceremony will mark their new separated journey, to forget the crossing they once had together, a story of the inexperienced young lovers.

Congratulations.

Zero Somebody 2.

Hari ini Subzero telah ke kelas. Kebanyakan kelasnya telah dibatalkan. Mungkin kerana minggu pertama pensyarah masih lagi sibuk mengatur jadual atau pun menyusun kelas yang sesuai untuk pelajar. Persekitaran kelas yang kondusif sememangnya diperlukan untuk pelajar menyerap segala ilmu yang ditutur dan diajarkan oleh seseorang pensyarah yang berintegriti. For this so-called world class university.

Subzero woke up early in the morning and he thought that it was going to be a great day to kick-start with his so-called breakfast prior to the 8.30am class. He had his breakfast. It was good. So-called good. Why everything has to be so-called?

Obviously, it came out from a lecturer. His name consists of Prof. Ir. Dr. followed by his full name. Setiap 5 minit daripada syarahan beliau perkataan “so-called” itu akan muncul. So-called material. So-called world. So-called biodegradable objects. Mungkin diri beliau telah terbiasa dengan perkataan itu. So-called terbiasa. Subzero respects him in all ways as the lecturer has all of the major achievement and recognition a person can have. However, the best part is Subzero realized that having a Prof Ir. Dr. lecturer means that he has to attend conference more than the lecture itself. Semakin banyak kelas batal jawabnya. Wujud kegembiraan sementara di situ.

It was 2 hours of lecture. Whole 2 hours from the lecturer only which means there was not even a question to ask from the students. Either the lecturer had not given the chance for the students to talk or the students wholly understood the speech. Or even the students did not have any input at all in their head, including Subzero.

“Kalau bertanya takut dikatakan bodoh dengan soalan itu. Ah, biarkan sahaja. Bukankah tidak bertanya itu adalah norma seorang pelajar?,” Subzero bermonolog sendirian, feedback to himself at least.

Ironically, the next class Subzero had the same type of lecturer and he gave a lecture and so-called all the things in his 2 hours of lecture! Mungkin gaya syarahan masa kini. Perbezaannya cuma pensyarah ini jauh lebih muda daripada Prof.Ir.Dr. Dua dunia berbeza zaman tetapi memang ketara persamaannya. Mungkin sedikit diversiti diperlukan di ruang itu. Untuk kebaikan for this so-called world class university.

p.s : How do you define world class university? Pakai selipar ke kelas? Atau pun bertutur “thats mean” dalam diskusi sesama siswa mahupun antara pensyarah itu sendiri? Remeh tetapi itulah hakikatnya.

p.s.s : Holland has gone through to the world cup final! Eh, ke Netherlands? Everybody’s talking about Paul the psychic Octopus backing Spain to lift the world cup. Definitely orange would never be picked as you know Paul, yes, he’s an octopus or you can even call him a squid. Eight-legged squid that favours mussel for dinner. Beyond doubt seeing Paul making prediction is a joy to the bookies out there. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Hopefully in the end Holland does not turn out to be Ayam Belanda.

Zero Somebody 1

Diari ini ditulis sepenuhnya tanpa motif. Nota rekaan semata-mata hanya untuk mengisi kelapangan masa. Bukan bertujuan untuk bermelankolik apatah lagi memeningkan fikiran pembaca dengan kata-kata penuh abstrak yang memerlukan seribu satu hujah untuk dicerna dan diterjemahkan pembaca yang majoritinya terdiri daripada pembaca urban (yang semestinya didefinisikan urban semata-mata bukan kerana memiliki akaun Facebook, Twitter mahupun Myspace. Friendster? Oh, sudah 10 ribu tahun ketinggalan zaman dan sebenarnya Myspace juga jatuh dalam kategori itu. Juga tidak juga kerana menonton Akademi Fantasi, medium khayalan penonton berfantasi sebagai superstar nasional jalan singkat).

Maaf dengan mukadimah panjang lebar itu. Juga maaf dengan gaya penulisan bebas ini. Tanpa format tetapi lebih kepada menulis mengikut gaya tentu emosi. Sebenarnya, semakin kita merasakan diri penuh perasaan dan emosi semakin lancar daya psikomotor memberi reaksi terhadap ruang tulis maya ini.

Zero Somebody 1.

Subzero merupakan seorang pelajar universiti. Lebih kurang sama seperti anda semua di luar sana mempunyai cita-cita untuk mendapatkan ijazah dan apa jua jenis kelulusan untuk menempatkan diri dalam masyarakat yang juga mempunyai iltizam, visi, misi, ambisi, motto dan perkataan – perkataan yang sewaktu dengannya yang membawa beban maksud dia seharusnya melunaskan tanggungjawab sebagai belia harapan bangsa dan negara. OK, crap. Actually, he’s not more than a student who’s studying for the sake of getting a general degree, something that he always wondered will he ever achieve that feat. However, there’s still a strong little sound within that gives him the force to believe with the purpose of the line that he has chosen would spare a fortune, if only he came out with a brave heart to succeed with the right attitude and aptitude. Ayat-ayat tipikal tetapi mungkin sedikit berguna kelak sekiranya ditenung dan difikirkan dia sejenak sambil melihat siling sebelum tidur. Itu pun sekiranya suara kecil itu resonans dengan semangat dalaman dirinya.

Subzero hanya seorang belia tipikal. Sememangnya lumrah menjadi seorang lelaki kelalaian dan lacking sense of urgency menjadikan dirinya bersifat laidback dan mudah hanyut dalam arus globalisasi dan hedonisme. Jadi tidak hairanlah 3 hari sebelum bermulanya semester baru universiti Subzero masih lagi belum mendapatkan sebuah rumah sewa untuk diduduki. Dia lebih selesa menghabiskan masa berhibur dan berlibur bersama rakan-rakan di tempat kediamannya. Lepak, lepak dan lepak memenuhi gaya hidup remaja lelaki masa kini. For a man, he needs a base before he can conquer. For Subzero, apa jenis base pun belum ada apatah lagi untuk conquer. Conquer as in succeeding whatever kind of skirmish given. Including to find the nearest food stall and football field. Oh, OK. Conquering the football field. Akhirnya, perkataan conquer itu menjadi relevan. (Actually, it’s the kind of phrase that he built to make himself feel more important in his head.)

Luckily he got a rental house. It was his last resort. Secara teknikalnya, rumah tersebut adalah sebuah pangsapuri. OK, that’s a big lie with the intention of getting a greater reputation. Rumah flat berumur berpuluh tahun mungkin to be exact. Subzero searched it on the net and the flat was the last call he made. Luckily, the owner has accepted his request to rent the house. He was so relieved until he took a look at the house a day before he had to register the classes for the new semester at the varsity.

Pada hari pemindahan barang ke rumah sewa tersebut, perkara pertama yang menjadi cabaran dan halangan terbesar adalah rumah itu berada di tingkat 5 tanpa lif, aras tertinggi bagi blok flat tersebut. Namun jangan sesekali menyesal kerana keputusan untuk duduk di rumah sewa itu merupakan keputusan dirinya sendiri. Sesungguhnya untuk menjadikan sesuatu perbuatan itu rasional perbuatan itu hendaklah dialaskan dengan suatu frasa jadi Subzero menjauhkan penyesalan tentang rumah sewa itu dengan mengalaskannya dengan kata alah biasa tegal biasa. Naik sahaja tangga setinggi 5 tingkat itu tanpa banyak karenah. To endure is the willingness to learn. Words of wisdom yang biasanya terdapat pada kalendar.


Setibanya Subzero di pintu rumah sewa barunya itu, dia menyapa rakan serumah barunya itu.

“Assalamualaikum. Nama aku Subzero. Aku lah yang menelefon kau untuk menyewa rumah ini,” sapaan pertama Subzero kepada rakan rumah sewanya seramai dua orang setakat hari itu. Dimaklumkan pada keesokan hari dua lagi penyewa yang merupakan pelajar juga akan mula berpindah ke rumah tersebut.

Mendengar nama Subzero membuatkan mereka sedikit terlopong. Apakah muka Melayu berkulit sawo matang ini bernama Subzero? Tiada nama Ahmad, Muhammad, Khairul atau nama-nama kebiasaan Melayu yang lain pada dirinya? Hatta, mereka tidak tahu bahawa itu adalah part of the plan. To keep himself anonymous in the house. Bukan dia mahu menjadi anti-sosial tetapi lebih kepada merahsiakan sedikit sebanyak identiti dirinya. He has the ideology of little-less known is easier. Mungkin dengan sedikit rujukan mereka boleh tertawa kecil kerana pada zaman kegemilangan permainan video Sega judul Mortal Kombat sinonim dengan karektor Subzero yang mempunyai hikmat membekukan objek dengan kuasa ais. Biarlah pun mewujudkan sedikit suasana skeptikal tetapi Subzero selesa dengan keadaan begitu.

Langkah pertama ke bilik yang telah diberikan. Tiada kipas, sedikit berhabuk dan sawang, tergantung poster The Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian (mungkin peninggalan daripada penyewa rumah lama) dan mempunyai tingkap. Ya, sekurang-kurangnya baik mempunyai tingkap daripada tidak mempunya kipas kerana kipas boleh dibeli tetapi tidak pula pada tingkap. Sedikit kecewa tetapi lebih baik daripada tiada. That was when he thought of the word independent. Berdikari dalam membersihkan segala sawang yang ada dalam bilik tersebut not to mention the money needed to buy things in order to complete the room. Complaining rarely exists in him but looks like Subzero has to do so while adapting to non-complacency for a while.

It was a long day really for him. He had the chance to talk to his housemates. They were practically decent. That was something that made him happy after the hard day. Long story short it was a long long day for Subzero. He knew that the new chapter has just begun. It has already started when Subzero gave Cheezels treat to his new housemates. Politics exercise.

p.s : Adakah perkataan ambition telah dimelayukan? Jika belum sesungguhnya saya berbangga berbuat demikian. Barulah berjiwa perintis. Heh, ambisi melambung.

p.s.s : Penulis juga masih mempunyai akaun Myspace yang masih aktif. Oh, 10 ribu tahun ketinggalan zaman juga rupanya.

Damaged By Speed.

Hampered by another police summon. Under APJ 1987 PANDU LAJU. They do really want to stress out I was committed to that offence with those bold letter words on the letter, don’t they?

Looks like I’m going to treat my blogosphere in a way of telling everyone how I really feel everyday (as most of you would always tweet, kan? I just have a feeling that I got to earn some money to buy a mobile phone that can assist me in posting my thoughts throughout the day via twitter or else. For now there’s no Blackberry, there’s no iPhone. Only a phone that once cynically called as iLampu (you know who you are) because that’s the only feature that makes the phone really useful. Don’t worry iLampu. You have served me well. I am still going to keep you after buying a new phone after holding my envy towards most of my friends’ phones. Haih..). Unfortunately, this time you have to read my dissatisfaction and unpleasant sentiment towards this misfortune.

With series of ill-fated events I strongly believe that I was the victim of the complaint been made against. It is stated that place of offence was at Jalan Mahameru, Kuala Lumpur. It happened on the morning of 21st of May 2010.

It is a routine for me to go to Shah Alam within this June as I have to attend my Microprocessor intersession class. At first I thought of staying in Shah Alam to make myself easier not to miss the 2 hours of lecture throughout the weekdays but apparently I just don’t want to waste any joy of going out with my friends in Gombak at night particularly when the world cup campaign has begun. Who can resist shouting out loud cheering all the goals none other than with your friends? However, it should not have been the priority since 60km drive Gombak-Shah Alam-Gombak everyday is certainly not an easy task. Only working people would make themselves ready for it, not to mention the stress of enduring the traffic jam along Federal Highway. In spite of the charge, yes, I do remember. I drove the car smooth and patiently till I reached Shah Alam and that was the case.

To pay the summons is equal to forget all of these dreams below, to erase this wish list.

1. To buy a new pair of shoes. The only pair of shoes that fits me now is my pink striped Puma shoes. Actually, I have two other pair of shoes but have you ever heard a story of a man who can’t buy shoes for himself? He doesn’t know what his shoe size is and as a result he has two pair of shoes that do not fit his legs. 1st pair, too small and the 2nd one, you guess. (OK, they are big and I purchased them from a bundle store. The shoes are rare and I could not stand to see others to wear those green striped Puma shoes. I would be jealous as I found it 1st! Greedy,heh? If it wasn’t because of the big size those shoes would be the biggest bargain of all.)

2. New jeans, perhaps? Some might notice I wear the same boot-cut jeans when going out with them. Every man has something in common. We can have a closet full of clothes but still can’t figure out what to wear. Put on our favourite worn-out jeans and pair it up with a plain coloured t-shirt and now we’re ready for the whole day activities! I have three pairs of jeans only in my closet (still they are less than my friends owned, I swear!) and I might just have to buy another one. (For the favourite jeans, basuh dua minggu sekali tu normal, kan? OK, am joking, but still..)

3. To travel at least to another country within 2 years from now. How I envy seeing others’ pictures travelling all around the world. , I think for now I’ll frequently visit the payment counter while keeping the officers’ wage every month fixed. At any point, I will try to fund my trip to other country as I can’t let my blank passport pages go to waste. Krabi Island perhaps, anyone?

4. A new pair of football boots. Puma V-konstruct (1st grade ) and Puma King (2nd grade) both torn and worn-out.

5. Above all, all I ever wanted was a brand new phone. OK, iLampu. I betrayed you. I am thinking of buying a new phone. However, with this kind of fate I’m just going to stick with you.

From the list none of them will be in grasp. There’s nothing for now I can do to have them in these pair of hands. Only having the victim’s frustration of the fine given as I thought it wasn’t my fault.

In spite of the charge, yes, I do remember. Initially I was late for the class that morning..and I drove the car smooth, not to mention the speed until I reached Shah Alam. Have I told you that in the beginning, haven't I?


--dalam beberapa hari lagi akan menghadapi peperiksaan intersesi. Kelas tamat seminggu awal sememangnya bukan idea terbaik yang lahir daripada seorang pensyarah kerana salah seorang daripada pelajarnya tidak begitu menumpukan perhatian sepanjang cuti tersebut. OK, focus.

Lullaby.

Klip ini adalah kesinambungan kepada teks yang ditulis sebelum ini. Sekiranya anda tidak mampu tidur jadi cubalah untuk melakukan sesuatu sehingga mengantuk.



Cubaan mencipta lagu tidur sendiri. It's the beginner's short lullaby.

Yang berakhir dengan diriku yang berjaga dari malam waktu tertidur pada pukul 8.00 pagi itu.

--ending yang kurang kemas akan diperbaiki kemudian.

Help Him To Sleep.

Either it’s a misconception or a rarity, you can still grab a soft pillow and lay your head onto it without thinking of the nuisance that normally keeps people awake throughout the night. It’s an inconvenient moment but the truth is your body can never easily rest without clearing your mind and turning off the internal dialogues. The routine doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes, there are no words to describe how severe can it be, having the state of mind with no peace. In making no claim to be a paragon, you have to endure the nightmare with great fortitude. Have you ever wondered how brains can contain all of the memories of our deeds and sins of our past? Notably the sins and mistakes that we’ve done, not even to our greatest strength to think of our personal lapse with equanimity.

Something that human really weak at is to let go of the past. Every so often, let bygones be bygones phrase is just getting hard to be implemented.

Even a feckless person has a dream.

To live normally, to rest and to remain calm despite the emotional distress. In reality it should be simple. Even an end has a start, and a dream has to begin with a ... sleep.

(A friend of mine has criticised the other friend’s blog writing for trying too much on the meaning of his text. I feel that I am trying too much too to make this happen but hey, we can never blame anyone for pushing too hard, can we? It’s the effort that counts).

--Peluk bantal peluk untuk keselesaan diri lalu tidur mengiring ke kiri.

Impromtu.

Sometimes it’s hard to realise, either you’ve just being carried away by compliments/flattering remark or simply overlooked the criticism. Conversely, it gets easier to drift away from the unconsciousness really when you feel that the world leaves you in a state of in dire needs of helping hands.

Dated back in 30th May 2009,

“You stare at things without having any input crossing your mind shows that you live in agony. Having life that is not according to the proper path may shatter the dreams that once you live your life with.

You might think that you are bigger than the world and the world smiles at you when you are on song but the truth is there are bigger shots you just have to look at. Effort is for us to exert and to make ourselves better than yesterday.

Reputation is temporary, determination is priority. For people like me who live in agony through the view of these eyes and from the body who feels, please wake up and place yourself to where your feet should be.”

Self-motivation, for people who stare their own eyes meaninglessly in front of the mirror.

Rambut Richard Ashcroft.

Oh God, I’m enduring the phase of listening to a single song over and over again. I know it’s a cliché to post something about love because day by day you can always find someone who can tell you a better definition of love. But hey, in a view that’s the beauty of it. Every single of them has their own interpretation of their affection for something whether they have the courage to convey their own version wholeheartedly or just keep it to self. Unfortunately, in my case here is particularly not for something but someone.

In the name of having trouble in expressing the tenderness towards Love.




Richard Ashcroft – A Song For The Lovers. As the frontman of The Verve, most people regard his voice sounds better live than recorded. I first listened to this song 10 years ago and on global charts it was on no. 32 at that time. It’s a sheer pleasure to resurface this song back.

One of the comments from a viewer on Youtube :

“I love this video because it presents a typical situation in which you are home alone or somewhere alone and you feel like someone is there too. You feel as if you were not completely alone, but you are indeed and you check every room, turn off the music or the TV, turn on the lights.I mean maybe it's a common situation or maybe I'm just crazy.”

I could not agree more.

Certainly, the presence. Love, wherever you are, I’ll always feel you.

(Oh well, you could say something about the epic ending of the video, still this video will always be one of my favourite videos ever.)





Loving the live version better.


--Usaha untuk menyimpan rambut panjang seperti Richard Ashcroft selalunya berakhir dengan kegagalan tahap miserable.

Chance.

Dated back in 29th May 2009,

“Sometimes you feel good. Sometimes you feel bad. It’s just simple as that to describe the norm of this life.

I feel that I'm rich because there's no use to spend more than I should. I feel that I'm poor because I think I'm lack of advice.

I'm such a talisman for my team because there's no one-man glory. Yet, a talisman needs all the teammate's courage to be in a match-winning side.

I'm an educated man because I read book just enough. Somehow I feel I'm dumb as a man can be knowing myself lack of actions compared to the knowledge gathered within.

I made right decisions to set the path but I have myself to blame not to look in front while walking straight to the path I chose.

I have enough faces to look at as they are such important persons to me, but I haven’t got enough love for them as I let love fade away for the wrong sides.

I always aim for the sky because it makes me feel high in spirit. I always seek for the stars but never get myself shine as a gem of a man I should be.

Somehow I tell myself there's nothing wrong being imperfect. There's way above right being ordinary.

But I always tell myself you are not that perfect. There's nothing wrong being ordinary unless you do hard-fought battle to keep yourself survive. I've kept myself awake with these words and I will end up contented closing these eyes telling myself "you are everything you are. You are someone to the world regardless the flaw you have. Just put some more effort to where you've left yourself behind."

Now it’s good to have a good rest. It’s good to give myself a chance for tomorrow."

(Teks diambil daripada ruangan nota Facebook. Pada waktu tersebut penulisan pada Facebook adalah nukilan secara spontan, cubaan menghunus kata pada medium berbeza).

Guidance.

The Negligent always told a tale of how he survived the catastrophe of downward spiral that had happened to him. Unfortunately, he told it to himself. It was the kind of whisper that lingered in his head over and over again. He did not know how to handle it but without whichever sincerity to himself he behaved well in front of his acquaintances. However, he did not know how to express and lately he misbehaved. He kept thinking the consequences but he could not find the solution amid the loud noise within. The laxity has caused concern to himself. Yet he still could not fix them.

The Negligent knew himself too well. He recognized the potential that he possessed but deep inside his fragile heart he was just vulnerable as anyone could be. He was far from a finished article. He was completely aware that he has been given the responsibility to lead the line, at least himself, for every burden that he held.

The Negligent could never blame anyone for his quest to gain supreme failure.

For whatever method he used he seemed to forget that he was just an imperfect human being, in learning the triviality of being rebellious has cost himself a fortune.

Yes, being rebellious and egoistic had cost The Negligent a fortune and he forgot about that really, and the word guidance.


--Sedang mencari kerja sambilan pada waktu cuti.

Sekadar Celoteh Ringkas

It’s been a while since I fought myself hard to avoid disillusionment. One concerns desires that are mainly acquired through learning, such as the need to achieve, to attain prestige or even to amass possessions. It’s a biological hunger and thirst to succeed guided by the aggression. However, there are times that these phrases do not stay in line with our modest passion. There are obstacles to go through and we could end up advice ourselves again how to overcome them.

Once again I want to highlight one of my ancient posts. Aha. Did I just mention ancient? Well, who could believe I could write this. Not even myself, in my most inspirational dreams. Honestly when you are into engineering you are going to partially lose your writing skill.

Dated back in 10th September 2008,

“Daripada nota-nota Power Electric yang sibuk ku tenung dari tadi memang tak dapat aku sangkal esok merupakan salah satu bahagian episod kelulusan subjek yang tidak pernah ku telaah secara telus.

Terbukti dari kotak ruang pembelajaran yang suci lg kondusif ini(secara kontranya)memang selesai separuh hari aku melengkapi diri dengan segala peluru jawapan untuk dilepaskan esok hari.

Tapi ironinya..(mengapa segala-galanya mesti melibatkan ironi?Tetapi mengapa segala perbuatan menjadikan ironi sebagai penyudahnya)..

Oh2, lekas saja dengan ironi kerana banyak lagi post menanti untuk ditatap mereka di ruang buletin yang semakin universal dengan post2 yang lebih kepada "saya tidak tahu hendak buat apa.Saya rasa hendak post buletin untuk hilangkan kebosanan".
Sedikit sebanyak seperti yang sedang anda santai pada post ini.

Lupakan saja ironi.

Baik tidur saja.biar hari-hari esok datang tanpa perlu berfikir. Tanpa ironi. Tanpa setiap perbuatan perlu difikir kesan dan implikasi.
Hati terang atau gelap seperti tidak aku kisah lagi.Fikirlah saja hari esok untuk diri sendiri. Memang gaya kehidupan masa kini. Sampai masa jatuh tersungkur perlu diri bangun sendiri.”

Pessimistic?

Frankly, I feel so relieved to read this post back. Actually, it reminds me not to fall back. It was not a bed of roses to contain the expression and emotion of not fulfilling others’ expectation. I think most of us are having the common dilemma but that is the challenge we have to face optimistically. This post really strikes me a chord the importance of trying hard and to exert the effort to solve the conundrum of life, without being pessimistic but still in pace with where we should head to according to the path chosen.

Ironically, this is no illusion. Think hard. There is no obstruction to it.

Mindless means soulless.

(Teks dari Myspace di atas masih lagi dikekalkan keasliannya untuk rujukan tentang sebarang perubahan pada diri daripada aspek penulisan)

Wreck.

After such a long time I haven’t logged on to Myspace (OK.Talking about Myspace I know you’re going to say it’s a lame social networking website where the users are just gonna stop connecting only at “hello” and “hye” but hey, teenagers have their own self-conflict and soul searching period. By having Myspace account, it contributes much to that aspect, one of them. It’s hard to find true friends on the net but certainly there are genuine ones. In fact in my own experience I have met some!) I have just realized that I’ve blogged since I was in matriculation.

That was the time I felt like the world was against me in any bend. Pessimistic and such an ignorant individual. Below are one of the posts that I wrote. It’s not wonderful but somehow I am pleased to have the courage to write this on my own when I was not feeling well that time!

Dated back in 19 January 2007,

“Life's so often cruel. When you feel that nothing helps you escape this. Ignored. Bored. Blend with the sense of helplessness coming in every way. Coldplay's songs won’t help me either. Too many times I listened to them just to soothe the whirlwind within. Leg aching like there's no day left on the field, the place for the victorious me. Sitting in front of the pond of KLCC. Looking life what it will be. So many happy faces left me wondering will the day they are having now is the day for me to grasp. Chapters left for me to read. What’s written in the book can never be erased, and somehow the book itself is like a teacher that forces me to read until the end. It guarantees me nothing and ended me saying, life's just so cruel.”

I wonder what kind of emotional wreck I was to write this. The kind of “My life’s a wreck, and you knew it straight from this face,” undertone lingering in the head, maybe. Or “I am really emotionally upset, a wreck.”

Farewell to those days.

Smile and instead of crap monologues I’ll just use ‘wreck’ to make myself feel better. For instance, win some, lose some and wreck some. Hah. Now it feels better.

Lastly, sitting in front of the pond of KLCC? Aha. Seriously, no comment. You have this kind of moment, don’t you?

(Teks dari Myspace di atas telah dikekalkan keasliannya untuk rujukan tentang sebarang perubahan pada diri daripada aspek penulisan.)

Hail The Spirit.

You are better than this. That’s what you have to keep telling yourself. It’s a kind of satisfaction to see people win their own battle regardless what competition they are in, mentally and physically. The effort that they put into their clash to claim triumph. The passion, the determination, the bravery, the precision to surpass any impossibility. The exertion to execute opponent from any chance of winning is just a self-gifted intuition that sometimes you can develop it within yourself. I believe in anyone will be given a fair chance to shine. Being in the spotlight or being put in the limelight in spite of its minuses. When falling down becomes your second nature and the composure whispers silently in just make you stronger. That’s how a winner should be .Proven, for centuries.

For all of the above, that’s how much I hate losing last night’s crunching futsal match yesterday. It’s not a tournament,really, but still it has its own importance, as much as I love to see my teammates cheer for a victory.

You deserve to lose when the flair’s done .Jeered? Heh .Let foot do the talking next time. We’ll definitely see you again, mates.

(Saya tidak dapat tidur kerana badan sengal-sengal.As for now, pain is a whole new fine.)

Hanya Hari Biasa.

Haih.I’m feeling bored.Hari-hari perkara sama juga perkara rutin yang dilalui.Rasa kuat mahu mengubah view saya kepada something yang lebih challenging daripada duduk belajar dan menenung buku mahupun apa jua bentuk warkah yang perlu dicernakan sama ada dalam bentuk maya ataupun hard copy.It's like I'm talking with no responsibility held but then that's the case.At one time you just feel that you just simply need to change your view.It’s like looking out of the house window and see what sight that awaits you.Or what sight do you want to see really,in order to understand your true purpose and responsibility.

Oh,It’s raining.Heavy downpour.Is this a sign of am I thinking something hefty?

Oh,now I’ve just realized that I’ve changed my view to see the office’s window (why office?Because I’m doing my internship now at a company based in KL) to notice that it was raining heavily.In a closed space you can never expect that.Aha.How ironic while writing this.

(Maaf untuk sebarang penggunaan salah tatabahasa mahupun grammar.There's always a quote to remember."My English is bad,my Malay is worse."-Tun Mahathir)